forgiveness

The one thing I have been discovering lately is the power of forgiveness. Not that it now has become easier to do, but that it is a necessity for a healthy life. Forgiveness is truly a very personal thing and it is something you can’t force out of anyone. Every person has the power to forgive or not, and each one of us makes that choice often. Many times however, people feel that forgiving someone else would take away the little power that they can still hold onto. Whether what was done to us is great or small, we still have to make an active decision to forgive or not. Now I myself am no expert, but I have seen the power it has firsthand. It is hard enough to forgive someone when they do something to us accidentally or ignorantly; but what if it was a deliberate, intentional act?

We all see many families, marriages, friendships, and businesses destroyed because of an unwillingness to forgive. This by no means is the only reason why this happens. But perhaps we say we just grew apart, or have changed in time, while that also does happen; it is often an easy excuse for not having to deal with our problems.
We can however, also see people and relationships restored, through this power, often to something better then what is was before! “But you don’t know what I have been through”, And yes, you are right I don’t, but let me tell you what I have seen recently.

Fifteen years ago, 35 years of propaganda, violence and hate culminated into one of the worst mass killings in modern history. In 100 days, around one million people were killed, most by ordinary weapons such as machetes. Many people were killed by those who were close to them, by their friends, neighbors, workers, and even family members. Pure terror ruled throughout the land and it was a place often described as Hell on Earth. Looking around, you would have no idea this was the same place; it would now seem as if it is a lot closer to heaven than hell. Great strides have been made, socially, economically; but still many dark things lie below the surface. But perhaps it’s everywhere in the world, and just waiting to get the chance to destroy again.

So is their any hope at all? If we would see justice served completely, will there be anyone left? If 1 million people were killed here, and say another 1 million people did the killing, will we now kill them too? What about their sons and daughters, might they then also harbor thoughts of revenge? These issues are not simple, if you see a genocide survivor, who has lost their entire family in the genocide, and many of them were cruelly killed right before their eyes, you cannot ask them to forgive. It must be their choice, and that choice can only be made with God’s help.

They were sitting, and talking just like old friends. They obviously cared for each other and trusted each other. While we waited for their testimonies, we didn’t know who was who. Who had killed, and who had just barely survived. On a closer look you can see she only has one hand, and has a large scar running down the side of her face. She told her story, running, fleeing, doing anything to get away from those who are trying to kill her. They were relentless searching every house and building. They had helicopters, and were even burning the trees to get people to come out from hiding in the bush. She just escaped from being killed at the Ntarama church massacre, where 5000 people where killed (It was one of two church memorial we visited, the other being Nyamata where 10000 people were killed). Eventually she was caught, her baby beheaded, and she, left for dead. Somehow her husband got away, and eventually came back and found her among dead bodies.
And the man who sat next her, looked ordinary enough, but was the one who cut her and killed her child. He admitted to us that he killed 14 people, and then looted their possessions as well. You could still see the burden he carried, the knowledge of the lives he had ruined. Although many had been influenced into killing their Tutsi neighbors and friends, it was still a willful act of killing. Sometimes that choice was very clear, kill or be killed. Any person, who did show that they supported the genocide ideology, was endangered of being killed themselves.
He went on to tell us that because of the great burden of guilt he had, he went and confessed his crimes to the local authorities. They didn’t believe him and sent him home. After some time he was recalled and was charged and convicted of his crimes. Because of his willingness to confess everything, and his obvious desire to change, and improve, he was given leniency. He then spoke of his quest, to find the families of those he had killed. He looked for her family, thinking she was dead. When he found out she was alive, he found her and confessed to her, that he was the one that had done those things to her. She went into deep shock, and says she doesn’t remember the next couple of weeks. Eventually she came out with some kind of realization, “I need to forgive him”. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but somehow she did it. She attests that only through God’s help could she forgive; this to me is some of the strongest evidence I have seen to the existence of God. It’s in the darkest places where a light shines the brightest.

These people were not brought together by some government initiative or court order. They were now volunteers trying to help those who are still suffering as a result of the genocide. This account of forgiveness is not a common story. Many of his victim’s families have not forgiven him, but he continues on trying to find others, asking and praying that those he harmed.
This story is not common throughout the country. There are still many problems that need to be dealt with in this area. Many large steps have been taken, but so many more will have to happen if full reconciliation is to happen. Only through forgiveness of one person to another does the process continue.

Often when we think of forgiveness, we look at only the victims side of the story. But there is definitely two sides to it. We say that people just need to forgive and forget. Well forgetting can be very hard especially when there is extreme trauma involved, and also when the perpetrator, never asks for forgiveness. I have heard testimonies here, “I would like to forgive, but who do I forgive?”. We need to take a lesson from this and realize some of the pain we put others through.
It is so easy to read stories such as these and immediately look at our own lives, and say, my problems are nothing in comparison. We then think we can then just brush off the “small” things we deal with day to day. Brushing things off does not solve anything, acknowledging the problems and mistakes and then changing from them is what is needed. Things on the scale of genocide don’t start as genocide, they start with small thoughts that slowly build over time.

“Trembling, I realized that if I looked into my own heart I could find seeds of hatred there, too. Arrogant thoughts, feeling’s of irritation towards others, coldness, anger, envy, and indifference - these are the roots of what happened in Nazi Germany. And they are there in every human being. As I recognized - more clearly then before - that I myself stood in desperate need of forgiveness, I was able to forgive, and finally I felt completely free.”
Hela Ehrlich Holocaust survivor ( Page 19 Why Forgive? by Johann Christoph Arnold)

Genocide survivor